


Undefinable

by aerye



Category: due South
Genre: Early Work, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-05-14
Updated: 2012-05-14
Packaged: 2017-11-05 08:31:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 590
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/404386
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aerye/pseuds/aerye
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He doesn't know why he does this.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Undefinable

He doesn't know why he does this.

Yeah, Stella's gone, moved out, got a place of her own downtown, and the apartment looks weird with her half of their stuff gone, but that doesn't mean it's over. It's not over, he won't let it be over, and he can't believe she really wants it to be over, not really. He doesn't know what he'll do if it is. But in the meantime he gets up everyday, and he gets dressed and he goes to work and comes home, and sometimes at the end of the day he doesn't remember what day of the week it is or what he's supposed to be doing.

And so he goes out, and sometimes it's to the gym—thunk, thunk, thunk on the bag. And sometimes it's over to Boystown—bright lights and pounding music and he gets lost in it, the lights and the music and the bodies. 

And sometimes it's here, Nathan's, over by the 27th, and sometimes it's a game of pool, and sometimes it's cards, and sometimes it's him and Gardino, here in the back, just down from the exit where the light bulb's burned out. He's up against the wall and the wood paneling's hard against the back of his head, and he can see the cracks in the paint on the ceiling, and water marks where the roof leaks. He's breathing through his teeth, and Gardino's hand is down the front of his pants, stroking his dick and squeezing his balls, and then Gardino's on his knees, and Jesus, he doesn't know why he does this, doesn't know why he wants it, why Gardino, with the butt-ugly shirts and the broad shoulders and the thick hair that curls around Ray's hands as he slides his dick between thick, slick lips.

And Gardino never swallows, always spits it out into a napkin, but when it's Ray's turn he does, wraps his arms around Gardino's hips and rides it out, thick taste on his tongue, and Gardino doesn't turn away when Ray kisses him afterward, wet and messy and tasting like jism. And afterward they use Gardino's handkerchief to mop up, and then they go back into the bar and have a beer, and talk about work. 

Gardino's the same after as he was before, same as always, nothing that makes Ray feel bad or weird or fucked up, and he doesn't realize until this moment, while they're sitting here arguing in a good natured way about whether the Blackhawks suck or whether the mayor has his head up his ass, how much he needs that, how much he needs things to be the same after as they were before, and not bad or weird, nobody pissed off at him for saying the wrong thing or for asking for too much. 

And at the end of the night when he gives Gardino a ride home, Gardino doesn't kiss him goodnight or anything queer like that, but he smiles and puts a hand on Ray's shoulder and squeezes, and tells him to "take it easy," like always, and Ray smiles back and tells him to "be careful out there," just like on the television show. And then he goes home and feeds his turtle, takes a shower and catches up on the late news, and falls into bed. And when he sleeps he doesn't dream, not good dreams or bad, but in the morning when he wakes up, he knows what day it is, and what he's supposed to be doing.


End file.
